Jameson and a Hole in the Wall

from by Jake Wasson

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I usually wait a long time before I try to write about things
Because my brain needs time to boil the events
Down to something that makes sense
But my heart is not a whiskey still
And it demands that I give its pain a voice
As raw as the pounding in my head
And the churning in my gut
And the cuts on my knuckles
I'm sorry I couldn't give you the joy you've found where you are
It must be pretty great if it's worth tearing me apart
It's a joy beyond all my comprehension
Because I thought
Being with you
Was as good as it got

And I don't understand how the part of you that's happy
And the part of you that has the gall to claim to love me
And the part of you that broke my heart
Can exist in the same universe
Much less in the same beautiful woman
There's a hole in my bedroom wall now
But you know that
Because we were still on the phone when I made it
And I know I'll have to fix it
But I'm thinking of framing it
And naming it after you

I get that you want to stay
And I get that you can't ask me to stop wandering
Because you at least have the decency not to be an altar to burn my dreams on
There's nothing for me where you are except for you
And I could give up everything and come back
And I could take a job at a bank or something
But then you'd feel guilty
And I could tell myself I'd be happy but I wouldn't
And the truth is there's no telling
How long you'd have to wait for me to take root somewhere
And even then you'd still have to pack up
And leave the magical happiness you've suddenly found

So maybe in your shoes I'd do the same thing
But that doesn't help me any more than hearing you still care
Or that you're sorry
Because there's not enough remorse in the world to absolve you
Even though you could still undo all of this in a second
Because I still love you
And even though I don't believe in fate
I can't make sense of a life without you
But I know nothing's gonna fix this mess
So I guess I'll dive into a sea of whiskey
And drift from actress to actress to keep from drowning

I'm not sorry for a word of this
And even though I'm not writing it to hurt you
I can't help hoping it does
Because when you break a singer's heart this is what you get.
Still, hating you isn't an option
And anyway you still have half my stuff and I owe you money
The hole in my wall and the scuff mark
Where I threw my notebook
Are right next to the calendar you bought me
And the part of me that wants to burn it
And the part of me that would instantly take you back
If you said this was all a mistake
Somehow exist in the same broken man


from Corolla, released May 27, 2014



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Jake Wasson West Warwick, Rhode Island

I'm a wayfaring troubadour and longtime busker, currently based in Rhode Island. Folk and blues are at the heart of what I do, but I like to get weird. Enjoy!

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